Permission to Grieve
“There is a time for everything… a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”~Ecclesiastes 3:1–4 NIV
From my own experiences with grief and from walking alongside grieving individuals as a hospice chaplain, I have heard the same phrases repeated:
“I’m fine.”
“I’m doing okay.”
“I can’t cry right now.”
“It is what it is.”
“I’ll be alright.”
While these statements may sound strong and reassuring, they often do not give us permission to grieve. Instead, they can become ways of avoiding the thoughts and feelings that accompany loss.
One of the things I love about today’s Scripture is that it gives us permission to grieve. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is a time to weep and a time to mourn. God acknowledges both sorrow and joy as part of the human experience. There is a time to mourn, and there is also a time to smile again. Grief and hope can exist together.
When We Try to Be Strong
Often, we avoid grief because it is painful. We may fear becoming overwhelmed by our emotions, appearing weak, or burdening others with our pain.
Researchers have long recognized that grief is a complex process. While older models described grief in stages, more recent research suggests that people move through grief differently and often shift back and forth between focusing on the loss and adjusting to life after the loss.
What remains true across grief theories is this: significant loss creates significant grief, and grief must be acknowledged rather than ignored.
Unfortunately, many of us learn to hide our grief rather than express it. We keep busy, care for everyone else, or convince ourselves that we should be “over it” by now. Yet grief has a way of reminding us that it is still present. What we refuse to acknowledge often finds other ways to make itself known.
When we suppress our grief, it does not disappear. Instead, it may resurface through emotional exhaustion, irritability, isolation, anxiety, or physical stress.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel
Giving yourself permission to grieve begins with giving yourself permission to feel.
You may experience sadness, anger, relief, confusion, guilt, gratitude, or even moments of joy. Sometimes these emotions may seem contradictory. That is normal.
Your feelings belong to your unique grief journey.
Being honest about your emotions can help you:
Acknowledge the reality of your loss.
Process painful emotions rather than bury them.
Receive support from others.
Move toward healing and hope.
Feeling your emotions is not weakness. It is part of healthy grieving.
Finding Healthy Ways to Carry Your Grief
There is no single right way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to express your sorrow and honor your loss.
One of the most important lessons I have learned is that grief needs to be expressed. While every person’s journey is different, finding healthy ways to acknowledge and process your loss can create space for healing.
The goal is not to forget your loved one or erase your pain. The goal is to honor your grief while continuing to live.
Consider:
Talking with a trusted friend, family member, pastor, or counselor.
Writing in a journal.
Praying honestly about your pain.
Listening to music that brings comfort.
Creating a memory book or keepsake.
Lighting a candle on significant dates.
Cooking a loved one’s favorite meal.
Taking a walk while reflecting on cherished memories.
Joining a grief-support group.
Remember, grief is not something to “get over.” It is something we learn to carry as we continue living.
When God’s People Grieved
If you have ever wondered whether God understands your grief, Scripture offers a clear answer. Throughout the Bible, we find faithful people who brought their sorrow honestly before God.
Hannah wept bitterly as she poured out her heart to the Lord (1 Samuel 1:10).
Job lamented deeply after experiencing tremendous loss (Job 3).
Jeremiah, often called the “weeping prophet,” openly expressed his sorrow and struggles.
Even Jesus grieved.
When His friend Lazarus died, Scripture simply says, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus poured out His anguish before the Father (Mark 14:36).
These examples remind us that grief is not a lack of faith. Honest lament has always been part of a faithful relationship with God.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve
Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that there is “a time to weep” and “a time to mourn.” Grief is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a natural response to loving someone or something that mattered.
The fact that you grieve is evidence that you loved deeply, and love always leaves its mark on our hearts.
The journey of grief is rarely straightforward. It takes time, patience, and grace.
As you walk through your season of loss, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to grieve.
When the time comes, allow yourself to laugh and experience joy again.
Both belong in God’s timing.
Reflection Question
What is one healthy way you can express your grief this week?
Prayer
Lord, help me to be honest about my feelings and patient with myself as I walk through this season of loss. Remind me of Your promise that there is a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. Give me the courage to embrace each season without guilt or shame. When I feel overwhelmed, remind me that I am never alone and that You walk beside me every step of the journey. Amen.
With hope and grace,
Teresa
Teresa McClennon, MDiv, BCC
Peaceful Purpose Grief & Spiritual Care
@PeacefulPurposeCare
This article is provided for educational and spiritual encouragement and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are struggling with overwhelming grief, depression, anxiety, or emotional distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional, pastor, or healthcare provider. Call or text 988 for immediate crisis support.
Sources and Further Reading
Mouton, Dawid P. “Permission to Grieve, Please: Exploring the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief.” Stellenbosch Theological Journal 9, no. 2 (2023): 1–17.
Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation. “Emotions and Grieving.”
Cleveland Clinic. “Grief: Coping with Loss.”
SimplePractice. “Grief Fact Sheet.”
The Unleashed Heart. “Why It’s Important to Feel Your Feelings.”
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